It's in The Gene Pool

It's well-known around the office that Metry Mama is looking for just the right girl for The Gene Pool. I, though, have my own suggestions. And while they all don't meet all the requirements TGP has set for a potential mate, we'll work something out.

Now as unrealistic as they are, I think if we tried hard enough, we could hook him up with someone. Here's my top four (I was too lazy to do five):

4. REBECCA LOBO (shown here with The Gene Pool)
--> Now while she blasts his height requirement out of the water, I'm like pretty sure she fits at least three of the other four conditions. I like have never heard her say like. I am positive she has her own money. She's an athlete, so there's a strong likelihood she's not a smoker. Although, I have no way of knowing whether or not she's a slut. But then again, if you're going to break one of the other requirements, this seems like the best. Of course, she's married now, but we can definitely change all that if she knows TGP is interested. BTW, MLC says this could be the wedding photo.

3. LORENA BOBBITT
--> She's 5-2, so she seems perfect! And we already know she's a cut up, just like TGP. Think of all the fun they could have together. The only thing I would say is it's probably not a good idea to piss her off. My suggestion is: "Yes, dear. No. Dear." And one other thing, if she wants to play a game of turtle, forget it. You don't want her to cut the cheese or anything else, for that matter.

2. HOLLY HUNTER
--> Forget how mad she appears to be here at this suggestion. (This photo was taken right after we told her. We think Hunter was mad at being No. 3.) She seems to fit all the requirements, and her best quality is she played a mute woman in The Piano. We all know how much TGP likes to talk, and this way, he'd never have to worry about her interrupting him. Hunter also played in Broadcast News, and she had to have learned that it usually works out best not to go for the coolest guy in the newsroom. Of course, it probably wouldn't have worked out for her, either, if she ended up with Albert Brooks character, but TGP is much cooler than him.

1. AMY POEHLER
--> The only one of the five women who might be good enough for the TCC to accept. Remember when she played the girl with Tourette's Syndrome in Deuce Bigalow? Not only did she like Sports -- she was a huge hit at an Los Angeles Angels game -- but she had some choice words for the play of her new favorite team. Only down side is that there's a strong possibility the Angels could play the Cubs in the World Series. We're not sure what would happen then. Oh, and I'm sorry the best pic I could find was her with another guy.