Happy Mother's Day

Just because it's not the middle of May on the calendar, today is the day I probably think about Momma most.

It's interesting, as it's not a secret my mom and I weren't always the best of friends. Much of it, I take full responsibility for, as my hard-headed reluctance to forgive people -- even the ones who are closest to me -- was in its fullest effect with Momma. It seems in her passing -- three years ago today -- we are closer now than we ever were. I find myself talking to her and asking her advice on things often, something I rarely did when she was alive. I ask her for favors, and she often grants them, sometimes in ways only she knows how.

It didn't strike me when she first passed away, but recently I was thinking of the irony of her dying on this date. I always loved my mom, even when I hated her, and I know she loved me as much as anyone. It is interesting to me that she chose the sixth of January to cross into the next life because today means an awful lot to me, and has long before 2006. Today is the first day of Carnival, my favorite season of the year. She knows that.

Maybe she was worried I wouldn't think about her as much as I should, and she knew the date would stick with me. Maybe it was important that I held a special place in my memory for her. Maybe while I was having a little fun, I'd include her in the festivities. She didn't have anything to worry about, although there's really no way she could have known that. I didn't show how I felt very often.

Momma had a way with people, sort of a way I never understood, nor have I seen since. She was the kind of person who most had trouble seeing her bad side. People who weren't close to our family thought she was the happiest, most funny woman they had ever met. And when she was at her best, she was.

It's so hard to explain. She was one of the most giving, caring people I ever knew. But there was also a dark side -- one that I have done my best to purge from my mind. These days, most of what I choose to remember is her best days. The days that strangers knew. The ones in which she would give you her last few bucks, as long as you left her enough for a couple packs of cigarettes and a gallon of milk.

No, today is Mother's Day, and we'll celebrate again in 2 1/2 weeks on her 65th birthday. God took her before her time, as He often takes the best people. There's a reason for that, whether we know, understand or care. God wants happiness surrounding him. Also, He wants us to appreciate what we have, and sometimes that can only happen if we lose something dear to us.

It's sad that she had to be taken away for me to realize what I had. But I think the most important thing is I know she understands. We talk a good bit these days.

So as I stroll through the rest of January and February enjoying the Carnival season, I'll be taking Momma along with me. We're gonna have a hell of a time, and everyone is invited.

Happy Mother's Day and Happy Mardi Gras!